Money Money Money, Money!

I was having dinner with my in-laws and Jerry mentioned that Jeff had won $20k on a scratch off several years ago. Yep, but the government kept 1/4 of it I reminded him. Also we paid of his truck & who knows what else. Then I realized, he wasn't asking me to justify where the money went, nor did I need to tell him.

After I thought about how much money had slid through our fingers throughout our marriage, including our retirement funds, etc. And then I thought about my mother, who was so tight with money there was a time she would not give me a penny for a gum machine. My 1st husband (the evil one) took me to the bank from her funeral to withdraw her life savings. Because of him & his drug use, we lost the new home we bought & most of the furnishings. Not in a life time, but within two years.

So who got the best bang for their buck? Jeff, who did things he had never done in his life and probably would have never done had we not met. Jeff who drove new shiny Corvettes, smoked expensive cigars, had a closet full of Tommy Bahamas, and who had beau coup friends. Jeff who dropped dead at 57.

OR my mom, who lived to be 68 years old, who rarely wasted a penny in her life, who raised a daughter who resented her and her penny pinching ways. My mom, for whom a big night out was riding the gambling bus to Reno or Tahoe once in a while. My mom, who had her fur coat sleeve stuffed with bank books and cash but hadn't had fun in 40 years. Which one got the best bang for their buck?

I think it was Jeff. What good did all the retirement money do Jeff or my mom? His would have helped me out some but so what. I had a good time with him, we weren't rolling in dough, but we had fun with what we had. Was that so wrong? I am happy that we went to Alaska and we bought a new car every year (my dad's dream). I am happy that we went to Spain, even if he didn't have a good time. I am happy he started smoking cigars, because he made even more friends, esp. two best friends whom he enjoyed being with.

As for me, I still have time, assuming my health holds out, to have fun and more money. You know how money is, it flows in, it flows out, it flows in. Just waiting on the next tide...
Ka-ching...

55+ trailer PARK in Florida????

? of the day: Now that I am of a certain age & seeing as I reside in the vestibule of God’s Waiting Room, I wonder: Are there any Adult’s Only Trailer Parks? I know your immediate answer certainly, but I say Nay Nay, not those fancy ones, where everyone is required to maintain their space w/garden gnomes, pin wheels & gazing balls filling their lush  gardens. Where the well manicured lawns sit above mailboxes that proudly display license plates from the home state & the homes are called “manufactured housing”. 

I mean a trailer park, my friend. (I sounded like McCain!) You know the one, it is filled with run down mobile homes, jacked up on cinder blocks. The awning that once hid the offensive blocks (if any at all) is now broken w/peeling paint. The towing bar is still in place, rusting & hazardous. The grass lawns are patchy & dead in most places, exposing sandy dirt, and filled w/weeds. Standing in the door, gossiping w/each other are 2 old battleaxes, each wearing a dirty house coat/dress, with a torn pocket & a broken snap exposing most delicate of areas. One pocket is stuff w/Kleenex & the other a pack of Marlboro Lites.  One old bat has her hair up in pink plastic rollers & the other one has stringy gray hair that is definitely what one would call “flyaway”. The sound of multiple meowing is coming from the trailer across the lane. That is where the cat lady lives. People hate even walking by it. Even though the windows are shut tight & the old lady only comes out at night, the smell of cat urine wafts through the holes in the floor of the rotting trailer.

2 doors down lives one of many gin soaked WWII &/or Viet Nam vets, still wearing the once white undershirt they had on the day their wife died. It has holes in it & is thin from many washings. Their khaki colored slacks hang loose around asses that are wasted away, poop stains are visible. The old coots spend their time in their recliners watching TV & reliving their glory years. Should anyone ever have grandchildren to visit in the park, they grumble & fuss, as if they lived in Shangri-la. The only pot “luck” in the trailer is when the old Viet Nam Vet finds his lost stash &it still has something in it other than stems & seeds.

Does this 55+ park exist? If so, please send me the info. You see, now that I am of a certain age I am scouting out my retirement villa, where I can reside without fear of being robbed of my millions. (I am going to stuff all my cash in fire resistant cans, that fit into the holes in cinder blocks. I will then put them under the trailer to prop up the sagging floor.. Damn it to hell, I didn’t mean to tell you that! I don’t need your help after all, I will find the place on my own.

Sniff Sniff…

(c) Karrel Buckingham 2010

old lady photo found here (check it out!)

The Truth about Reebok, Camille & the Chief (Kazinga!)

I wrote this on my friend Camille's wall, but since I went to all the trouble reporting this disturbing story I felt the need to share it with the FB world. I hope to goodness Reebok does not hunt me down for exposing this depravity! Of that I am banned from Facebook & Amazon.com

Camille, earlier tonight, posted this status "I wanna go home!!!"

To which Kelly replied: "are you still at the office?"

Camille: "Oh, yez!"

Kelly: Diane and I were so hoping that you would be at the Christmas party we had tequila shots lined up for you.

Camille: Well, the Grinch was working.

Kelly: LOL LOL LOL (note, usual snorting was not happening)

At this point I became bored with these shenanigans and decided it was time the truth came out about Camille & her move to the DC area. The following barely resembles the truth and not one name has been changed as there are no innocent:

Me: Kelly, she is really sitting out on her deck while the cats perform their annual ritual pre-winter dance and fence scream. It is at this time of the year that all the cats who live in the sewer outside Camille's yard expel themselves to participate in the celebration. Camille has prepared her special recipe for catnip stew, with anchovy croquets, and a fistey little concoction called Krazy Katz' slurping' frenzy. Each cat is served upon it's own cafeteria tray. Meanwhile, to remain inconspicuous Camille had donned...

Camille: You've lost your mind. I would never serve them on proletariat cafeteria trays.

Me: A cute little number (see pix). By wearing this costume the cats that are visiting do not look upon her as an outsider, and she is able to remain warm and toasty. One year she became so involved in her little charade, she was seen running around with a startled blue bird in her mouth while she tipped over garbage cans. While all this goes on, George the cat, makes a trek into the sewer upon Reebok's orders. Raisinette is suppose to be the watch cat, but she was distracted that one time. Camille had slipped her glasses back on after slipping in...

Slime left by the alley cats who had come to watch the other idiot cats prance and preen in that strange woman's yard. As she put her glasses near her beady little eyes Camille caught sight of George as he disappeared down the sewer hole. As we all know, she ran to get food, blankets and about 14 little cat ladders which she lashed together and lowered into the sewer. The visiting sewer cats returned from their prowl after the ritual only to find a strange looking giant cat lying upon a blanket pillow with her face stuck down the sewer hole. What the hell

Meanwhile George was oblivious as he scurried around the sewer den collecting top secret emails the sewer cats had been transmitting to the White House cats (they live in the swanky tunnels that lead from the White House to the Capitol). The sewer cats have been spying upon Camille because the White House cats became confused when they attended the ritual that 1st year when they overheard Camille talking to KLC on the phone, the were confused by her calling him "Chief". ...

Camille (again): You must be exhausted now. And you know at least 7% of that stuff is entirely made up.

Me: They would not become suspicious of the giant tabby cat sitting in, not upon, a lawn chair. It was reported by Fox News earlier tonight that people in Camille's neighborhood had heard cries that sounded like "Go go Gadget Go" and "Right Chief" then hideous cat fight sounds. (Prior to heading down into the sewer George poured tequila into Camille's raspberry lemonade! :-)

Camille (finally exhibiting the respect I deserve): Wow.

Me: it was tiring reporting on your activities, as I have been typing with one finger, but one such as myself, feels compelled to expose the truth.

BTW, say what you will, but I saw you steal those cafeteria trays when you were licking, I mean washing them at the homeless shelter Thanksgiving day.

Camille: Again. Wow. Now you have me actually wondering what does go on in the Lovettsville sewers.

Me: I know you have tried to put that periscope down there, and there was that tiny video camera you attached to George's Christmas hat that year, but Reebok is not going to let you in on those secrets, it is too dangerous for one such as yourself, to know.

Camille: True.

Me: I know you.

I just realized how scary that sounds, now I know why those feral cats hang around my house...I know too much!

(I know, it is the pain drugs, I am going to sleep it off now. FYI - you can catch me outside the Improv in Ybor every Sat. at 4am. Camille - Soft kitty, warm kitty Little ball of fur Lazy kitty, pretty kitty purr, purr, purr)

(c) Karrel Buckingham 2010 

Tribute to The Knees

My friends, The Knees

When I was a baby The Knees were small too, cute, fat and dimply. They were soft and pliable.

Baby knees, innocent, unaware

Before long they were helping me to travel as I crawled everywhere. Soon I learned to walk and climb stairs. There were The Knees, they helped my little legs bend and they carried my chubby load.

Concentration & The Knees help me scale these stairs.

Falling & getting up, that is just a part of the job of The Knees

They were there when I learned to ride my bike and skate. They held me up, when as a skateboarder, I flew down the high hills of my neighborhood, around un-level sidewalks, broken by earthquakes. They were there, unnoticed, unless they became scrapped, just helping me do all the things kids do. I would fall down and they helped me to get up with ease. I even got tapped by a moving car on one of The Knees but nothing would stop them.

Scrapped & cut, The Knees rarely complained through my learning years.

As grew, I was called a Tomboy, I would jump from the roof of our house to the ground. I would leap from the swing into the wading pool. Who was there to aide my landings - The Knees!

As a teenager I played sports a little in school. I was a center on the basketball team. Center's jump for that ball, thank you to The Knees. And Volleyball, there they were again, supporting me as I made a serve or had to get under a ball! But my favorite sport was the running broad jump. In running broad jump is important to make sure you (1) land on your feet (2) don't fall backwards. Again, The Knees knew just what I needed them to do. Without complaint!

I can no longer get in this position, not without pain anyway.

As I got older The Knees carried me everywhere, to the swimming pool, to school, to the library, to the park. Before I could drive, it was me and The Knees. Then I started having children and adding that baby weight, but The Knees didn't mind. They were strong and could carry the load.

My father would remind me, I would never be Miss America with my scared up legs & knees.

Ah, my little children, how would I have raised them without the help of The Knees. Carrying around baby and all his gear was quite a strain but The Knees, they NEVER failed me. Before we knew it there 4 little runny noses to wipe, down I would go, resting upon one of The Knees. I did it so much that for years I was wearing out the right knee in every pair of pants I owned. And they were jeans, not slacks. I would get down on The Knees and crawl and play with the kids, I would run around bases or run after them to catch them when they did something bad.

The Knees, they never complained then. They let me do whatever I needed to do without even a whimper. One day the last of the babies went to school and my running around curtailed a lot. That is when I first started gaining weight. Oh Mr. Sciatic Nerve complained! He wouldn't even let me stand up sometimes, but not The Knees, they carried on. Pound after pound went onto my body but the good old Knees persevered.

As you know, with every good weight gain comes a good weight loss. Up and down, up and down, through the years. The Knees stuck with me. On good days at the gym, they would help me to push that leg lift with 240#s of dead weight. They were funny though, although they didn't mind a nice bench press they hated squats. And the despised the Elliptical Machine, they even began to avoid the bike. It was then when the complaining started. And the weight and the weights went up and down.

There was the time Tiffany the dog tripped me, down I went, falling upon both of The Knees. I was sure I crushed them, oh they complained, loudly for a while, but the recovered and I went on to climb stairs and walk distances and do leg presses. Oh and gain weight and lose it.

Suddenly, a few years ago The Knees, they began to complain a little more often, a little louder. Sometimes it would be a gnawing, annoying whine. Usually it was just one of The Knees, but more and more it became both. Then there would be weeks where they didn't say a word, just did their duty, carrying around my ever increasing girth. And there were the screams, oh, the screams.

The Knees. What a wonderful machine! It is the body that convinces me there is a God.

A few months ago The Knees began to nag, even when they lifted me off the seat of a chair. And then one of them began to cry almost all the time. I bought it the most expensive lotions, I massaged it, I would apply ice to sooth the pain and even take medication, just to help it feel better. Finally, I had to change chairs so that The Knees could lift Big Fat Butt up a little easier.

My body no longer works together like a well nourished machine. Big Fat Butt and Patella Buster Belly hate The Knees.  Patella Buster Belly, because it is nothing but a parasite, hates The Knees the most. Patella Buster Belly KNOWS it doesn't belong here. Big Fat Butt serves a purpose under that fat layer, but Patella Buster Belly has no good reason for being there other than it HATES me and The Knees.

Patella Buster Belly wasn't always so large and unruly, but it has been there for quite a few years. In fact, at first it was barely noticeable if it were covered with clothes. Now 40 years since it took hold over my womb and with the all trips up and down the weight ladder, it decided that these bones of mine made a pretty good rack to hang onto and Patella Buster Belly started to grow, like a yeast loaf. Oh yes, I have vowed to Patella Buster Belly that I would cut it off, detach it from my bones and have it tossed into the trash, but it laughed at me. That is only for the rich and it knew that at this point, no matter what I do, it will be with me in some shape or form until I die. And it hates The Knees. Patella Buster Belly  is bent on destroying The Knees. It is destroying the knees.

I apologize to you, The Knees, my knees, I didn't know I was destroying you. I NEED you still. I want to be around a long time, I want to walk that entire time. And so, I promise to fight Big Fat Butt and especially Patella Buster Belly. I promise to stop neglecting that band of Merry Muscles - the Thigh. I will re-strengthen them so they can help you, my friends, The Knees, and so they can protect The Hips (oh The Hips, I can't even tell you what I did to them!).

I have athletic thighs, they are excellent tools!

Dear God, I was wrong, I took for granted the gifts you gave me that are encased in this skin of mine. I abused it all, each and every minute cell. I was wrong, I hope it isn't too late to correct the damage. But you know me God, I need your help. The Flesh is weak...In Jesus Name - Amen. ME

Go outside & play!

Wheels!

Go outside & play!

That is what I heard when I was little, after Captain Kangaroo & Romper Room. The TV was off until my mom's stories were on in the afternoon & I was kicked outside to play. Free to roam the neighborhood, only required to be home when the street lights came on. Ah, those were the days!

9th grade

My 1st car

When I was a teen all I wanted to do was be OUT of the house, I didn't mind being IN my friends' houses, I just didn't want to be at MY house! As soon as I got home I would turn on the TV to watch Dark Shadows, House Party & Lloyd Thaxton & then do my homework. After that, if  I weren't on restriction I was out of there! If I were on restriction I would sit in the front window, watching who went by and wishing to God I was not cooped up in the house. By the way, I was on restriction a lot - I had a bad habit of climbing out of my bedroom window. I was bad, what can I say. 

Danny & me, ready for a walk.

Nothing changed after I had my 1st son, we walked EVERY day, rain or shine. I think that is why he was rarely sick. But then things changed and I started having more kids and I got a car. (I got the car after my dad died, before that it was my mom's car.) I stopped walking but I was gone a lot in the car. I can pretty much say I maintained that MO until just recently. Now, if I don't have to go out I won't. If I have to go out, I don't want to. I mean I go to work everyday and all that, just when I am home I don't want to leave. Have I finally settled down? Has my restlessness subsided? I know I don't have any kind of agoraphobia. I guess it is just that I have so many things to hold my interest at home now. 

This is where I am right now!

I know I might need to go out and I just don't want to and I really don't have to. It is hot outside, maybe that is the problem. I don't like hot so much any more. Gas costs too much, maybe that is it. I am too fat, maybe that is it. Who the hell knows, but I wish I could just find a happy medium. 

 

Earth Day-what good is it.

Summer 1969 - U.Cal Berkeley & Telegraph Avenue. I wish you & I could go back to that summer and I could just let you know how very awesome it was to be there, to be 15 and hanging with your friends, with no parents around to spoil it for you. I wish you could taste the Orange Juliuses that were sold across from the student union building or that I could play billiards with you there in the student union building. We could sit and have rum cake and cappuccino ( with half a cup of sugar) at Cafe Med. I wish you could hear the tambourines that the Hare Krishna played on the corner in front of the book store, and I wish you could read a Berkeley Barb. It was probably the best summer I had as a teenager. But I can't go back, nor can I take you. 41 years later and I am not that person, I changed. I grew.

Earth Day was born that year, thanks to the hippies who moved to the No Cal mountains to live in communes and smoke pot, or who became professors so they could teach at schools like Cal Berkeley and smoke pot. What good have any of them done in 41 years? Esp. Earth Day? I still cannot afford solar energy nor can I get any kind of financial breaks for it. Wind energy is still way way too expensive to realistically use it as an alternate energy. In fact here in my county I cannot even have my own wind turbine because they have to be higher than we are allowed to build. Despite the lies of Al Gore and his band of merry men America has more forest land than ever. The Alaska pipeline didn't ruin Alaska. No animals are extict, even though California has spent ALL of its money and all its citizens money trying to protect creatures and plant matters above people. Nothing and no one is any better off because of Earth Day or Government Environmental Protection Act.

And what about dependency on oil? Has it changed in the past 41 years? Yep, back then it was 50 cents a gallon. Thank you Earth Day for that, who is worse for the people you & the EPA, or OPEC. Partners I say. Why aren't we all riding bikes and rapid transits? Why is the air in Los Angeles still yellow? What have you done Earth Day?

At my house we have a compost pile. We have a wildlife certified back yard. We have no grass. We xeriscape. (Do not xeriscape unless all you want to do is pick weeds!) We have not watered anything in our yard in 10 years yet it grows like the Amazon jungle. It was treeless when we moved in but now it is well shaded. We use very little water inside either. If I could have a wind turbine I would in a New York minute. We recycled before the blue bins. I think we are pretty green around here, but so what? We still live in a land of green chemically treated expanses of lawn. These people hate our yard and especially our front yard of artificial grass.

So here we sit, 41 years later, Earth Day and I, we are 41 years older. I have been thinking Earth Day and you have been pretty disappointing. I shake my head and wonder out loud, how is it you are still hanging around, what keeps you alive? Ahh, I know, I know, it is those hippies out there in California, who came down from the mountains and who were voted into office and now govern our land, and those pot smoking professors who have lied to our children for 41 years, so now it is like you are actually the truth...I see your ways Earth Day, I do...

I have grown and changed and faced reality. And you, you Earth Day are you still the idealistic, ineffective lump of nothing that you were 41 years ago. Give it up, grab your Birkenstocks, head back up to the No Cal mountains and toke up. Take the EPA with you, loosers.

Sensory OVER - LOAD

The last year has been full of stuff going on - not really for me, my life has progressed as before, but for our country. We've had a contentious election and then yesterday was the "big" day for all of us. No matter our political view, this day, today, means something - one way or the other. Who is to know? Hope is meaningless. We all hope for good. Faith is what counts, do you have faith in what's to come? Stress is the one certain thing.

I am a news junkie. Fox News goes 24-7 in our home and car (thank you XM). Thanks to them I am able to hear both sides of every story and make informed decisions. But that is a ton of info. Then I have 3 different e-mail accounts (home, work, Yahoo), which I check A LOT. There is Facebook and Twitter. I have abandoned My Space because it isn't as friendly as Facebook. I have several blogs that I would love to read daily. I have books that I am in the midst of reading (5 right now). I am starting a class this Saturday. There is my family who I want to spend time with. My husband who I like to get in the car, put the top down and just ride with. The daily newspaper, the crossword puzzle, my work, several TV shows I watch, they are TiVo'd so I can FF through the commercials, but I need time to watch them, over 30000 pictures that I need to catalog, restore, scrap, Photoshop - 1000s waiting to be scanned, a clean desk that has become cluttered again, and on and on and on.

There are only 24 hours in a day, as we all know. If I am home alone on the weekends I turn the TV off & try to get some stuff done, but it never will be. But the question is - what would I do if I didn't have all of this to do? Once I worked in an office where my only job was to answer the phone. I was told that I could read or do whatever I wanted. Pre-internet. So I read and I read and I read. I became more and more depressed. Why, because we NEED something to do. We aren't meant to just loll around doing nothing. At least those with my type of personality (if that idea is even real). I am not a complete A but maybe an A-.

So what about you? What keeps you busy, takes up all your time, what would you do without it? Are these little distractions time stealers or are they time fillers? Are they positive or negative? I guess that is up to you and what you do with your time and how it affects you mentally. As for me, they are pleasant ways to get through the day. I need a little stress in my life, so if I reach a patch where I am mainly stress free from lives bumps and bruises, I have my artificial stress - the in box, the pile of books, the hard drives & boxes full of photographs, the to do lists. Because you know, those things can go by the way, but they create that feeling of HAVING TO DO SOMETHING, being needed, having a PURPOSE.

Is that what goals are - ways of inducing stress? No longer do we have the stress of trying to survive day by day, now we need goals. We need lists. Wouldn't our ancestors laugh at us when they came in from a hard day on the farm trying to eek out some food for the coming winter, to see us sit down & make a little list of goals. Yep yep. But, we need it - we need that stress, artificial or real. It is necessary for survival. So next time you suffer from sensory overload, just lay back and appreciate it for what it is - sharpening your senses for survival.

What I would do if I could fly...

Ro Paxman asked an interesting question and this is how I responded:


1) I would fly over my old neighborhood in Pittsburg California(much like I do on Google Earth) and gather up all my old memories, write them down with accompanying old pix or drawings and make my heirs a book of who my parents and I were - long ago and far away.

View Larger Map (The house with the big tree on the R side is my old house - they don't have a street view just a birds eye - drat - my address was NOT 170)

2) I would fly to heaven to visit my son, my parents & my dogs.



3) I would fly to Germany weekly to check up on my other parents (yes I have two sets) to see how their health is and visit with my siblings.

4) Whenever it was dark, rainy or just cloudy I would soar above the clouds and enjoy the sunshine, play on the pillow clouds and wave at people in passing by airplanes.

5) Speaking of airplanes, I would dance upon the wings of jumbo jets, peek in the windows at the people flying inside and give them hope that something else exists out there.

6) I would go to Alaska during the summer and marvel in its beauty.

7) I would fly to all the places I have never been and long to go - the New England Seaboard, Nova Scotia, Great Britain, Jackson Hole & the surrounding area.

8)I would take prize winning pictures that even Art Wolf can't capture, write wonderful stories about people and places all with a new perspective, that of one ABOVE the din and noise of society.

9)I would never be afraid again of terrorists, because when I flew I would go somewhere and prepare a place that I could take my family too and we could be safe. I couldn't take everyone, I know that, I would like to, but I am only one person. But I could take my family and from there we would sit in our hiding place and pray for mankind.

10) I would write a book about how the impossible is possible - because I can fly!

Do you know me? Do you care? Today that is...

If I have learned one thing in my 54 years, it is this...I should have asked more questions and listened more carefully. To what? To my parents. Yep, my parents. Had I done that, then today I would have the answers to 100s of questions. Also, I would know why. Have you ever asked why, why you were raised the way you were? You know, even if you had the best life ever, there is a reason. Your parents decided to raise you the way they did BECAUSE of something that happened to them. It is how their parents and their extended family raised them that is mirrored in your own upbringing.
The way I learned to forgive my mom (which is a process that I am still working on), is because my aunt told me about her life as a child and then a wise person once said: You parent what you know. So I know both my parents were lacking fathers, they had mothers who had to work hard and weren't the most nurturing, and they knew absolutely NO different. They tried to make a better life for me than they had and they did - materially, but they lacked nurturing skills, because they rarely if ever were nurtured by a parent.

I talk a lot lately about when I was small and I see those eyes glaze over of those around me, like who cares. There is a time when your history is all that matters. Then you move beyond yourself. I feel slighted at times because only my oldest son knew my mom and dad, and the other kids and my husband act as (a) they didn't even live (b) they were of no consequence. When the truth is they did live and they are of tremendous consequence even to this day. So, I take time when I scan pictures like that one above, to write down what I remember. Not for today, because today there isn't one person who gives a crap that I was a child or a teenager, a young mom. or about my mom and dad at all. No one but me. But someday someone will say "Why didn't I listen to her stories, do you remember...?", because it may not be important now, but there will come a day. I know because that day is here for me now and I can't remember. That day will come when my children, grandchildren, etc. will be wanting to know. That makes me think of the movie "The Notebook". Hopefully, if I get Alzheimer's I have enough sense to end it before it is too late, but if not, someone might be reading me my own stories, trying to help me remember - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If you do genealogy like I do, what is it. It is trying to put flesh on facts, faces to names, lives to people that went before. So I encourage you, no matter how young or old you are, open up your word processing program or a journal and just write down memories as they come along. Get out your old photo albums and make notes about what you remember. I don't do it every day or every time, but I do it. Someday, someone who's name you don't know yet, who isn't even a glimmer, will be happy you did it. A picture may be worth a 1000 words, but a 1000 words with a picture is just better.

Peace KB

Wisdom...pluezzzeeeee...

Owl in camo
Originally uploaded by karrelbuck

I want to be a good photographer. Since I was a teenager I have had this dream, even though I never pursued it as family got in the way and I just shot to not miss the moment. But now I have time, time to learn, time to set up shots and time to Photoshop...but, I never set up a shot. Old habits die young. Also, I can think of nothing different to shoot. Where I grew up, in Pittsburg CA, I had many different venues at my finger tips, historical sites, the beach, mountains, rivers, foothills (different that mountains), rocky coastlines, sea lions, beautiful city (SF), ugly city (Oakland), capitol (Sac), tall trees, old trees, and on and on and on. (I don't want to go back, I am just using that to set the scene for what I have now.) Here in the Tampa Bay area, everything is clean and flat. I have local parks (the all look the same) and the beach. A small clean city. And I can drive in either direction and encounter the same. I don't want to be a bird photographer, but when you live in the largest estuary in the state (Tampa Bay) then birds are in abundance.

The thing is - what do I want to shoot? I haven't gotten excited about anything yet. I start a continuing ed Photography class at HCC in 2 weeks, I hope that I get a different perspective.

I don't have a lot of fancy equipment or money to shoot birds. Plus, everyone shoots birds. And landscapes. I want to get my OWN style. So, consider this my plea for wisdom. In the meantime, I am going to search Flickr for ideas.

Just a back up to my first paragraph - when I grew up in the San Francisco East Bay Area I lived in East Oakland for a while and I hung out in Berkeley, this was in 1969. I was very social, and it was my dream to be a social worker and make a difference in the urban areas. You know that story, how many of us didn't want to do this in the 60s and early 70s. My dream was to make a Black and White book of faces from the Oakland area. I am sure this book exists by other authors in other cities as well as Oakland en nauseum. But that was my basis. Then when I was into rodeo's in the early 90s I wanted to do a photo essay of rodeo kids. Here is my problem with shooting kids, in this day and age I think parents would be reluctant to have someone taking pix of their little children, so I back off. Now, one of my favorite shoots is Toys on the Beach. But again, I am reluctant to shoot children, so USUALLY, I shoot the abandoned toys.

Peace - KB

Why doesn't my goals have a net instead of 2 posts?

(I know this appears to be rambling, but nobody reads it anyway & I am thinking things out.)

Well, last night, after telling you how good I am, I was bad. Cookies came in here & they were giant. So I ate ½ of one. The last time I had one of these though was Christmas 2007. So that wasn't too bad. I threw the other ½ away when I came in this morning. BUT then I went grocery shopping, did pretty good until I bought the semolina bread & the bite sized macaroons. Let's just say - last night - waste of a day.

But you know what they say - One day at a time sweet Jesus - so here I am again with another day. See this picture - that was me AFTER I got a divorce. My husband says that is the best diet in the world - removing the wedding ring. Before that I was pretty fat - 30#s less than I am now though. How sick is that! Of course I am now 19 years older & have had a hysterectomy & am menopausal. But still - there is no excuse for my appearance. I heard Judy Tenuta say the other day that fat women are like Manatees in thongs. MMMM, sounds about right Judy. Bitch!

OK, so I was thinking last night that I have times where I have absolutely no hunger and then other times where I feel extreme hunger. FYI - drinking lots of water - does NOTHING for my hunger. Sooo, this morning I wrote down those times that I have identified and a plan to keep hunger at bay. Most of that hunger comes from NOT eating full meals. From picking, from eating 6 times a day (as some suggest).

Here was my P&P diet when I was thin - now this worked for me - but I don't know if it would work now - because I don't think I could do it anymore. I call it the Popcorn & Perrier diet. Because basically I ate the following: cereal, popcorn, Slim Fast, water & Pop Tarts. Once a week I went out to dinner, breakfast & lunch - but those were on different days. This was my maintenance diet. I lost that weight in the beginning but cutting calories, reducing fat & using shakes.

But now, I am so fat that when I watched Dr. G's 5 ways American's die last night & saw #2 is my disease - obesity - I was struck by the fact that she said if you can loose weight & keep it off by diet good - BUT most people can't. And that if you are morbidly obese you should have a gastric bypass. Well I can't afford that in several ways - I can't afford the surgery or the time off from work. So now what?

Keep dieting & keep getting fatter and fatter each time I fall off?

I don't know, but I guess I must do something. So, I am getting a purse size notebook & I am going to use it to WRITE in - you remember writing right - done with a pen. In it there will be no structure other than a date. BUT I will write what I eat in there along with whatever else I want - like lists & plans etc.

There is something about having something you can pick up any time any place that beats a computer. My writing is very cramped & hurts my hand now to write BUT I can get use to it again. Yes it is much easier to read when your words flow out of your finger tips - but this will be for me a tool.

So some other things I want to do. Get back to blogging daily, enter a contest a day (I have been doing that), stop sitting at the computer so much when I get home. I am really working on that. And so on. Well here goes, the ball is back into play, I have to run back onto the field...where is that damn punter???

What is wrong with me?????

So last night I was watching the Discovery Health Channel's National Body Challenge. This after starting WW's this week & keep track of my points. Which I have blown every day. BUT I never eat like the people on these shows. I think about it all the time. How long since I have had pizza, how I have had French Toast like 4 times since last year (when I lost 33#s from Jan-Jun & have now gained everyone of them back). My favorite breakfast used to be a McDonald's Bacon, Egg, Cheese bagel w/no cheese. I have had about 6 of them in the past year.

Yet the people on these shows go to McDonald's or other fast food several times a day & they eat 4 or 5 hamburgers. I can't even get a medium fry down in one sitting. Why am I a big fat slob and eating 1/3 of what they eat.

They ONLY way I can loose weight is to cut out carbs and eat fats (you know, Atkins). But I can't stick to it - I have in the past, but then I gain it all back and then some which is why I am where I am today.

So now I am blaming Zone Bars - I am going to cut that crap out & start eating food. Regular meals. Forget counting points. I do well when I just write down what I eat. I tried doing that on my phone calendar & quit, I guess I will be more diligent or get another notebook. Today I am going shopping & instead of spending lots of money on bars that do nothing for me I will buy some actual food. Low carbs, but not no carbs. Maybe I will look at the South Beach diet again. I do really well on Atkins but never really got into the So. Beach.

I know a lot of us have these problems. And there are fat people all the time who say "I don't eat a lot". You know what - I really don't & I have it written down to prove it. I challenge anyone to come watch me eat & tell me I eat too much. I think I have just screwed myself up so much that everything goes to fat.

I went to a nutritionist once & quit - maybe I should go back. No more pills. $40-75 a week is what I paid for 6 months last year for pills, and now I am RIGHT back where I was when I first went in a year ago today. How sick is that. But why do you need a nutritionist when there are so many things on the web to help you. If their accountability is like that of the diet doctors (where you get nothing but your BP taken, weighed & pills - that support they tell you about is non-existent).

Sorry to go off on a tare today but I am so frustrated. To see these people just scarfing down the foods I would LOVE to eat and haven't had in forever (you know deserts, candy, etc) & they are eating them EVERYDAY & weigh the same as you. What is up with that. But we see, even Oprah can't do it and she has everything at her fingertips.

Happy New Year - let's hope next year none of us weigh 20#s more (or even 2#s). Peace

How things have changed - photographing wise...

Today, as I do every Christmas, I was looking at old Christmas pictures. But I thought I would go through my kids pictures (all now in their 30s) to get one from every year. I thought I had one from every year, but it turns out I don't. Why? Because we were poor. There was time, for you younger kids, when people had to shoot film, there was no digital. Also, there was a time when every single breath of a person was not recorded for the future.

So you see, there are relatively few pictures of me as a kid. In those days it just wasn't even thought of. But when I had my kids I thought I took a lot of pictures. But then there were those years we were very poor. I remember when my second son was born, at one point I could not afford a 13 cent stamp. Now we weren't exceptionally poor. We always lived in a decent place (except for that trailer) and we always had food. But we didn't have lots of extras. So I guess there were 2 years I didn't even have film for the camera.

And that makes me sad. There are so many cameras now, that this will most likely never be a problem in the future. I wonder though, is it good or is it bad.

Long time no write

Hi, it has been quite a while since I wrote anything. I have been back into photography now and out of sewing. I come & I go. Check out my Flickr page for new photos. Also, I am really into digi scraping now & ScrapGirls.com is my #1 site for awesome collections. Please go there when you are done reading this.



This is a picture I took at SeaWorld the other day. I used my point & shoot Olympus for this and then some other effects - they are listed on the Flickr page. But I also now have a Nikon D60 and I promise to myself it will never be set on Auto. I am going to learn how to use the settings. BECAUSE, for vacation next year I want to go here:
Great American Photography Workshops next year. I am thinking either WV, VA or ME. I will keep you posted.

OK, got to go back to work now. I will be better about this...I promise. Also, my web site is moving so it is down for a little while.

Peace - Karrel

So I am back to landscaping...

I have no obligations for a while. Nothing to finish, so I need to finish what I started. And it is this quilt. I have added more stuff since I took this picture this morning. I am ready to start sewing it down now & then maybe I will be done with it. Ready to start another.

I am taking a Miniture Landscape Quilt class from Quilt University that starts on Sat. I am happy because then I can make some small quilts for our quilt club's quilt show in February.

You can find out info at www.quiltersworkshop.org.

And I will learn how to perfect my perspective, etc. I have been purchasing fabrics to make more quilts. It is really fun.

Missing my friends

My friend Rae is gone. She done gone & left me. I will never see her again this side of heaven.

My friend Virgina flits in and out of my life, like a butterfly. Or the dolphins I ellude to in the layout above. Once in a while I hear from her. But not like before. Maybe I will call her one day. Maybe not. I really do miss her

Been so busy - but I didn't forget about you

I bought the Adobe Vlog program the other day, as soon as I get it together I am going to become a Vlogger but for now.

Been really really active. My birthday was 4/16. Hope (my granddaughter's) was 4/20. So we went to Disney on 4/12 to Bibbidi Bobbidi Salon and Hopey became Princess Jasmine. I made her a Shutterfly book. It is so cute and she was beautiful. That night we ate dinner with Prince Charming & Cinderella. What a nice day we had.

Then on Sunday, my daughter, Nicole & I went to Epcot for the International Flower & Garden Festival.

Then last weekend My son Danny, his daughter Kaitlyn, 6 & I went to Canveral National Seashore for a Jr. Ranger Program. I am working on digital scrapbooking pages for Kaitlyn's book now. Here is one of them.



I will post the links for the different elements, papers when I get home tonight. They came from ScrapGirls & Digital Freebies mostly.

We are leaving shortly to go to Lakeland & have dinner with my in-laws. I was going to make her a cell phone purse today but then I found out my iron burned out & so I abandoned the project. I will mail it to her. They are going back up to Michigan next week. The reason the iron burned out is the other day I was sewing and embroidering something. For some reason I didn't put the iron up - guess I just thought I would be a second - and went to tend to the embroidery machine. Low & below I started smelling burnt - the ironing board pad was burning. So anyway, no I can get the iron I want. Funny how it works that way.

Here is one thing I made recently. This is Kaitlyn's: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2153/2425214109_8ac004b142.jpg and http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3183/2425215279_52e81335d7.jpg. I have finished Hope's also, but I forgot to take pictures and I can not for the life of me get Nicole too. Hopefully I will go by there tonight and get a few.

Alright, better go, Jeff will be here in a minute & we will need to head on out. TTYS - I promise! Peace KB

OH - I ordered a new camera - it will be here Monday. An Olympus SW790 - I can't wait!