If I have learned one thing in my 54 years, it is this...I should have asked more questions and listened more carefully. To what? To my parents. Yep, my parents. Had I done that, then today I would have the answers to 100s of questions. Also, I would know why. Have you ever asked why, why you were raised the way you were? You know, even if you had the best life ever, there is a reason. Your parents decided to raise you the way they did BECAUSE of something that happened to them. It is how their parents and their extended family raised them that is mirrored in your own upbringing.
The way I learned to forgive my mom (which is a process that I am still working on), is because my aunt told me about her life as a child and then a wise person once said: You parent what you know. So I know both my parents were lacking fathers, they had mothers who had to work hard and weren't the most nurturing, and they knew absolutely NO different. They tried to make a better life for me than they had and they did - materially, but they lacked nurturing skills, because they rarely if ever were nurtured by a parent.I talk a lot lately about when I was small and I see those eyes glaze over of those around me, like who cares. There is a time when your history is all that matters. Then you move beyond yourself. I feel slighted at times because only my oldest son knew my mom and dad, and the other kids and my husband act as (a) they didn't even live (b) they were of no consequence. When the truth is they did live and they are of tremendous consequence even to this day. So, I take time when I scan pictures like that one above, to write down what I remember. Not for today, because today there isn't one person who gives a crap that I was a child or a teenager, a young mom. or about my mom and dad at all. No one but me. But someday someone will say "Why didn't I listen to her stories, do you remember...?", because it may not be important now, but there will come a day. I know because that day is here for me now and I can't remember. That day will come when my children, grandchildren, etc. will be wanting to know. That makes me think of the movie "The Notebook". Hopefully, if I get Alzheimer's I have enough sense to end it before it is too late, but if not, someone might be reading me my own stories, trying to help me remember - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
If you do genealogy like I do, what is it. It is trying to put flesh on facts, faces to names, lives to people that went before. So I encourage you, no matter how young or old you are, open up your word processing program or a journal and just write down memories as they come along. Get out your old photo albums and make notes about what you remember. I don't do it every day or every time, but I do it. Someday, someone who's name you don't know yet, who isn't even a glimmer, will be happy you did it. A picture may be worth a 1000 words, but a 1000 words with a picture is just better.
Peace KB
That is sooo true! I am still learning. I have learned alot since my dad was killed. He may have lived 84 years but there was so much more to learn from him and he had so much more living to do. I hope to not have any regrets and to show my children how loved they are while I can see it in their eyes. Because one day I will not be there to look. Jill
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