Why doesn't my goals have a net instead of 2 posts?

(I know this appears to be rambling, but nobody reads it anyway & I am thinking things out.)

Well, last night, after telling you how good I am, I was bad. Cookies came in here & they were giant. So I ate ½ of one. The last time I had one of these though was Christmas 2007. So that wasn't too bad. I threw the other ½ away when I came in this morning. BUT then I went grocery shopping, did pretty good until I bought the semolina bread & the bite sized macaroons. Let's just say - last night - waste of a day.

But you know what they say - One day at a time sweet Jesus - so here I am again with another day. See this picture - that was me AFTER I got a divorce. My husband says that is the best diet in the world - removing the wedding ring. Before that I was pretty fat - 30#s less than I am now though. How sick is that! Of course I am now 19 years older & have had a hysterectomy & am menopausal. But still - there is no excuse for my appearance. I heard Judy Tenuta say the other day that fat women are like Manatees in thongs. MMMM, sounds about right Judy. Bitch!

OK, so I was thinking last night that I have times where I have absolutely no hunger and then other times where I feel extreme hunger. FYI - drinking lots of water - does NOTHING for my hunger. Sooo, this morning I wrote down those times that I have identified and a plan to keep hunger at bay. Most of that hunger comes from NOT eating full meals. From picking, from eating 6 times a day (as some suggest).

Here was my P&P diet when I was thin - now this worked for me - but I don't know if it would work now - because I don't think I could do it anymore. I call it the Popcorn & Perrier diet. Because basically I ate the following: cereal, popcorn, Slim Fast, water & Pop Tarts. Once a week I went out to dinner, breakfast & lunch - but those were on different days. This was my maintenance diet. I lost that weight in the beginning but cutting calories, reducing fat & using shakes.

But now, I am so fat that when I watched Dr. G's 5 ways American's die last night & saw #2 is my disease - obesity - I was struck by the fact that she said if you can loose weight & keep it off by diet good - BUT most people can't. And that if you are morbidly obese you should have a gastric bypass. Well I can't afford that in several ways - I can't afford the surgery or the time off from work. So now what?

Keep dieting & keep getting fatter and fatter each time I fall off?

I don't know, but I guess I must do something. So, I am getting a purse size notebook & I am going to use it to WRITE in - you remember writing right - done with a pen. In it there will be no structure other than a date. BUT I will write what I eat in there along with whatever else I want - like lists & plans etc.

There is something about having something you can pick up any time any place that beats a computer. My writing is very cramped & hurts my hand now to write BUT I can get use to it again. Yes it is much easier to read when your words flow out of your finger tips - but this will be for me a tool.

So some other things I want to do. Get back to blogging daily, enter a contest a day (I have been doing that), stop sitting at the computer so much when I get home. I am really working on that. And so on. Well here goes, the ball is back into play, I have to run back onto the field...where is that damn punter???