Sunday, May 8, 2011

Why bother?

This is just musings, things I have been pondering as I approach my 4th month of widowhood come this Thursday. The question is about another relationship. I am not looking, I am not ready and I am wondering, why even bother. At this point in my life I am thinking it is pretty much going to be him or me. Personally, I have not enjoyed becoming a widow, I certainly do not want to do it again. But it is more than that...

I would really love to meet a rich guy who is nice and good looking and would provide me with all my needs. Ladies, can I get a Hurah! But let's face it those guys are made in Hollywood. I have seen that even the best of guys are just human. So possibly by letting go of that fantasy I am going to miss out. But I don't believe that because I have already put that into the universe and it will happen. So is that good or bad? I am not going to settle for less...but he has to be a special guy. Not one of these men like I saw the other night. Men with giant fat bellies and average looking faces, their poor ugly super skinny wives looking sickly and ready to break, harsh makeup on their botoxed faces. Why are skinny skinny women such a prize? Esp. when you have to pump their tits up with implants to make them palatable. Plus, I bet the gruesome old men cannot even get erections. I do not want that at all.  I would rather live alone.

My friend had gastric bypass and a body lift. Is she happy? Does she have the love of her life? Nope. Personally, I would love to have a tummy tuck and a boob lift, but I can't afford it and if I could would it be worth the pain. When I met Jeff I just told him - my stomach is disgusting  & my boobies sag, I have had 4 kids for god's sake. He was ok with it. When I told him I wanted a boob lift he would say no, he liked them just the way they were. How is that for love! Wish I could love myself that much.

So does anyone out there know what I want? If so, please comment below because I have not a clue. I don't want to go through courtship again, I don't want someone who does all the things I like to do - BEFORE we are married - and then stops AFTER we are married. But you used to like to dance...

I don't want grouchy. Suzanne Summers told John Stossel that she could tell he was losing testosterone because he was grouchy. Well screw that!

But most of all I don't want to love and care for someone again, I don't want to plan my final years again with someone, whom I might find dead, again. Oh and I sure as hell don't want to be a caregiver. Call me cruel, call me whatever, I don't. So I guess it is best just to, when I am ready - which I am not - to just have several, nay - many, many, many meaningless flings! At least that way, when I lose weight again I know I will not gain it back - as Jeff was wont to say - the wedding ring adds 5#s per year & the best diet in the world was to take it off.