Out on a Limb?

Young boy scaling palm
Originally uploaded by karrelbuck

I am borrowing this from a young cousin's Facebook status: "The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs."


Once again I was put in my place. Not that of revered mother, matriarch of the family, but that of big time loser who ruined the entire world.


My crime - I am not really sure, but I am guessing it is that I didn't do enough to make my children's early years more perfect. Because, as you know, it is proven that if you had some bumps in your early life then you will NEVER EVER grow up to be successful.


I didn't live a perfect life either. In the 90s I used popular "think" to blame my parents, but really it was me. I have always known that. It was inside of me. My parents only mistake was not disciplining me, at all. So I spent 32 years seeking discipline. (I left out my 1st year of life.) Let that be a lesson to you new parents, you HAVE to set boundaries for your children, so they can learn about consequences.


I learned, years after both of them were gone, that the problem wasn't that they were shitty parents, but that they had no examples of proper parenting in their lives. My dad's father died when he was 4, leaving his mom a widow with 9 children. He & his brothers lived at his Uncle's house for many years. My mom's father left her mom & the 2 children for another woman when she was 4 or 5. But in those days the woman who was left was the bad woman. My grandma, with little help from her family, had to work hard in the cotton fields everyday while my mom had to raise her little brother. All the while, there daddy & his new family had a nice home and good clothes.


So when they adopted me were they wrong to want to give me everything they never had? Since they never had to deal with selfishness and unruliness how could they deal with me? They had no clue.


Now I can blame the orphanage where I spent the first 4 months of my life, due to political red tape. They let me lie in my crib, hungry & malnourished, suffer from an untreated umbilical cord, while they sold ½ of the formula my parents supplied to the facility for me to eat. Maybe that made me the bad child I became. Maybe that is why I am fat.


But I have given up blaming. I have personal responsibility. I am 55 years old. I was not a perfect mother, but I tried my hardest. God forbid I say that other people had life much tougher than my family. But you know what, that's the truth. I wasn't beat every day of my marriage. My sons were not beat or berated every second of their life either.


Yes, my youngest son suffered from depression. Did his childhood cause that? Maybe. I don't know what causes depression. I have been depressed & can step out of it. But some people can't. For some people it is a lingering disease.


I can't change what happened. I can't change what happened 3 minutes ago. I could delete all these words, but that doesn't change the fact that I wrote them. I sure as hell can't go back and fix a person's childhood.


I took control of my own self about 14 yrs ago or more & changed how I look at my future. I changed how I look at my now. And I realized it is NO ONE's fault the life I have, the life I had, or the life I am going to have but my own. And for anyone who wants to challenge me on that I say to you, put on your big boy/girl panties and get over it. If you aren't where you want to be in life, then you didn't try. Maybe you didn't want to try. Maybe you didn't really want it. I don't want a lot. I am happy with the life I have now. Isn't that where we need to be. Just happy where we are. If you want to be Donald Trump, then you have to work at it. It's not your Mama's fault if you didn't pony up the the challenges and seize the opportunities that were laid before you. You gotta look in the mirror and face reality one day. You will be a much happier person once you to that.


If you are in college or just getting started you have to ask yourself what you really want & then go for it. If you don't and you missed the boat, no one tied you to the dock so you couldn't catch it. But there is ALWAYS another boat, so no excuses.


I have one more thing to say about this situation. I was condemned for speaking out politically because (1) I have never done it before (2) I must not like black people (3) why don't Jeff & I just say how we want things to be.


1 - I have been a Republican my entire life. My dad taught me to be one. My mom taught me I never want to be a Democrat (she was & I had issues with her). It is that simple. I didn't influence my children. I must have been wrong there. I shouldn't have let them think for themselves. I should have taken them into the voting booth with me every time, like my dad did & made them Republicans. Shame on me.


2 - I have been a Republican my entire life. The fact that our current president is of a different race is irrelevant, since I personally believe that Presidents, all of them, have very little power. The problem with our current president is - he is a Democrat and I do not subscribe the the Democratic philosophy of Big Government. If Hillary Clinton were President I would have spoke out as much. Maybe more.


The reason I have a "louder voice" now, is the Internet & Facebook, and a blog, & Twitter. It is the reason we ALL have a VOICE now. That is why I wasn't so outspoken before. Also, I trusted my government, I trusted George Bush & the US Government to keep us safe. I was wrong. I was complacent. I was apathetical & then Sept 2008 happened & I realized that there is something serious going on in Washington & it is time to stand up!


3 - I don't think I have ever been unclear on how I think things should be. I think it should be like it was before the 60s, before Viet Nam, before Women's Lib. I don't think Mom's should work, I don't think there should be no-fault 20 day divorces, I don't think there should be latch key kids, I don't think there should be such violence in the media, I don't think there should be so many social programs that have enslaved entire generations. I think a Dad should be a Dad & take care of his family and not leave when the going gets tough. I think abortion is wrong, period. I don't think the Government owes me anything but to protect my rights, as they are spelled out in the Constitution. And I think it should be like that for ALL American's - no matter what your race or religion.


So, I leave my soap box with this thought, You have to work for what you want, you have to stop blaming the world, in fact, get off the blame wagon & grow the F#%K up. Yes, I am a hard ass. So what!